"A crazy twist of fate": English undergrad, Ella Hawes, on travelling the world and finding Wolfson in lockdown

After struggling with various mental health challenges, Ella decided to have a complete break from education and spent five years travelling the world. "I thought that I simply wasn’t cut out for higher education," she says. It wasn't until lockdown hit Dublin that Ella decided to take an Access course, realising that she wanted writing to become a more central part of her life.

Now, Ella is fully immersed in Wolfson and her English degree, a member of the Wolfson College Boat Club, and stands as a student representative on the Wolfson Educational Policy Committee. Through her role as student ambassador, she wants to promote educational accessibility, and encourage those who might not see themselves as the 'typical' Cambridge student to apply.

What was your journey to studying at Wolfson like? Did you always know you wanted to apply to Cambridge?

My journey to Wolfson has been a long and winding one, and I seriously wouldn’t have believed that I’d be here now, even a few years ago. This is the third time I’ve attempted university, with both the previous tries ending in dropping out within the first year.

My late teens and early twenties were a storm of mental illness and drug and alcohol abuse, so although I’d always wanted to study at university, it became impossible for me to focus on anything outside my own head. When I finally found my feet again, it seemed clear to me that I needed a new purpose, so I packed my backpack to spend a few months travelling and this somehow turned into five years exploring the world and working abroad.

I’ve done all sorts of things: I spent a summer in a treehouse at a dance retreat, trekked across Myanmar, lived at a commune with 20-hour pizza parties, and painted murals in hostels all across Europe. Like many people, it was Covid that finally urged me to consider changing up my lifestyle and looking for something different.

"I was stuck in Dublin during lockdown, and without the ability to get back on the road, I began to think about what new adventure I could find, and the household of poets I was living with convinced me to apply to university again. By some crazy twist of fate, and a huge amount of luck, I wound up here at Wolfson."

What made you apply to Wolfson in particular?

I read a description about the College on the Cambridge website and just knew that it was the place I wanted to be. After having spent so many years in diverse groups of people, the broad intake (from something like 90 different countries) really appealed to me. Also, the lack of differentiation between undergrads, postgrads, and staff sounded ideal, because I am a bit older than other students and wanted to feel like I’d still belong.

How would describe the community and atmosphere around College?

Wolfson is pretty big on socialising - there are events all the time so it’s really easy to meet people and do stuff that isn’t just writing essays. In my opinion, our College bar has the best vibes of them all, and it’s important to feel like there is a proper community around me, especially as work can feel a bit overwhelming at times.

I specifically chose Wolfson because it was a mature college, and it was this factor that made me want to come here over any other university. By the time I applied, I felt like the ship had sailed on studying at a higher level because I’d be so much older than the school leavers I’d be learning alongside, but the thought that everyone would be an actual adult too sounded brilliant.

"And whilst everyone has had life experiences before arriving, mature doesn’t necessarily mean ‘mature'. There is just as much silliness and drama and fun as at any other college."

What did you learn through the experience of travelling that has been helpful in your current academic journey?

Travelling gave me so much that I doubt I’d ever have found otherwise - it gave me a sense of responsibility and independence; it taught me that I am capable of far more than I believe; it helped me to regain a feeling of awe and excitement about life. I think there is a prevalent opinion in society that backpackers are just unwashed hippies who can’t handle the real world, but there is a feeling on the road of mutual support, intense friendship, and a fierce hunger for fresh experiences that is often lacking in modern life.

Why and how did you arrive at the decision to study English?

I’ve always loved writing, and kept a journal throughout the years I spent travelling, as well as reading on every long flight and overnight bus journey. During my pandemic epiphany, I realised that I wanted my life and career to involve writing. Perhaps I should have applied to study English straight out of school (my first two degree attempts were in Classics and Fine Art), but I’m just happy that I made the right decision in the end.

"I genuinely love my degree; even when it’s exhausting keeping up with the weekly essays and reading hundreds of pages every few days, being able to truly enjoy my subject makes everything feel worthwhile."

What extracurricular activities or aspects of College life are you involved in? Why is being involved in these activities important to you?

I row, and in Lent Bumps I was the W2 Captain (women's second boat), which was a surprising taste of success for the Wolfson College Boat Club. We had a record-breaking campaign with not a single bump conceded among our four boats, and every crew making it into the competition. Compared with last year’s utter decimation, it was a very exciting moment for the small community of us who are weird enough to enjoy waking up at 5.30am, being shouted at in hail storms, and getting blisters in uncomfortable places.

I’m also currently on the committee for the May Ball, and am in charge of designing and building all the decorations for the event, which involves planning themes for six indoor spaces and four courts, as well as many other little areas. It’s very time-consuming, but it feels so good to have a project to work on that is completely unrelated to my degree and in which I can fully indulge my creative side.

"I’m also on the Educational Policy Committee, which is concerned with undergraduate and postgraduate admissions, outreach, and various other educational matters, and it’s really interesting to see how a huge organisation like Wolfson is run behind the scenes."

Have you got any advice for maintaining balance as a Cambridge student?

I would say that recognising the value of simply spending time with your friends is one of the most important things to learn. There is an immense pressure to spend all your time being ‘productive,’ which is mostly concentrated on the academic, but can also mean doing hobbies that are benefitting you or your CV somehow. Actually, allowing myself to spend a few evenings at least every week in the Wolfson clubroom with my friends, or going to the pub, or even just watching Netflix, is the best thing for my mental health, and it allows me to actually enjoy my degree when I am studying.

What tips or advice would you give to prospective students, perhaps if they are in a similar position now to that which you were in a couple of years ago?

The main thing is just to apply. When I’d made the decision to try university again, Cambridge was definitely not on my list, because it felt pointless to aim so high when there was no chance of getting in.

"It was actually my mum who forced me to add it to my UCAS application, with the logic that it is only one out of five options, so you might as well give it a shot."

At that point, I wasn’t really expecting any university to accept me because I’d been out of the education system for so long, so I put a lot of effort into getting myself back up to that level. The summer just before I applied I started an Access course online, which meant that I could set the pace myself, and I decided to treat it as though I was already at Cambridge, giving myself a single week to complete each coursework essay. This really got me back into the rhythm of learning and consistently producing work, because one of my greatest concerns was that I’d struggle to keep up with those who’d only been out of school for a couple of years.

Is there anything you wish you'd known before coming to Wolfson?

I remember before I arrived I felt sure that everyone around me would be so staggeringly intelligent that they’d see through me in an instant. The imposter syndrome was so real that I even emailed the College after receiving my acceptance to double check that they hadn’t made a mistake. But I didn’t find it at all daunting when I actually arrived, mostly because everybody else felt exactly the same way.